On humanness & the collective awakening.

Oh wow. There is so much that has been on my heart over the past couple of weeks. So much that I want to write. It feels like it’s been too overwhelming to sit down and even attempt to get my thoughts out- but here we are. I’m sure the majority of the world is feeling the same: overwhelm. We are in a period of massive shifts, change and transformation globally.

What I find so interesting when it comes to my own life, is that the major transformations that 2020 has brought to the world on a global scale, I also find has been in alignment with my own life. We’re only 6 months into 2020 (but man does it feel like this year has been a decade) and it feels as though my life has flipped upside down, albeit for the better.

I started on this spiritual path about two and a half years ago. Since then, there was no turning back. I’ll start with this: we must live in alignment in order to live our truths. I’ll say it again: we must live in alignment in order to live our truths. If anything the past 6 months have taught me, it’s that surrender and trust are two fundamental components of life. We are all walking a path, and although different ones, it is leading us to the same place at the end of the day.

To me, a “spiritual path” is about committing to be a conscious, awake human. Spirituality and following a “spiritual path” have been thrown around in mainstream media in recent years and I think has caused many misconceptions. Deciding to wake up and embark on a spiritual path doesn’t make you better or worse than any other human being.

It simply means that you’re committing to your own healing and to better yourself throughout this life, and lastly, to embrace growth and change rather to push it away and turn a blind eye. I say this too as a metaphor for our world right now, because there is a HUGE awakening going on in the collective right now. People are deciding to become conscious. To wake up and to stop running from uncomfortability and shadows. I’ll say it again: embarking on a spiritual path is committing to your own healing.

A truth this year has made me realize: we all have the power to heal inside of us. The thing is: it’s a choice, and not one that many people make -because it’s often the more difficult path, the path less travelled. It’s much easier to stay asleep than to wake up and look yourself in the mirror. To take responsibility for your fuck ups, the pain you’ve caused yourself and others, things you want to fix, how you wanted to be treated in relationships with others and vice versa.

But it’s, oh, so worth while. It’s much easier to numb, as we all do/ have done: with drugs, alcohol, medication, food, Netflix bingeing, etc. It’s so much easier to run away from our shadows. To shut them out, for years at a time. What I think is quite beautiful about 2020 is that this is the shift. The world is truly asking us all to wake up. We can’t turn a blind eye anymore. It’s all unfolding. It’s all here. Running from our own shadows is becoming harder and harder. It’s time to face them. To get uncomfortable and to do the hard work that comes with healing and growth.

And trust me, it’s effing HARD. I have lost many things this past year, waken up to some painful truths about my life, and have had to quite literally, shed layers of my old self so I can make room for the healing work and abundance that I’m calling into my life now. It felt like I said goodbye to an old version of myself. Painful. A lot of tears. A lot of confusion. But now, it’s beginning to fall together… and this is the work of growth. FYI, it doesn’t happen overnight. I’m still sitting in the messy stuff. Just like a caterpillar can’t grow beautiful wings overnight and fly away. You have to sit in the shit…and for a lack of better words, it usually feels, well- really, really shitty.

The more you resist change and growth, the more you resist the abundance and joy that is waiting for you once you’re living in alignment with your truth. A lot of people want to change their outside world, and what is going on collectively. But the the thing is, the only way to heal the world around us, is to heal ourselves first. And perhaps this has been the most important lesson I’ve ever learned.

Louise hay, one of the spiritual teachers I look up too, has written one of my favourite quotes:

In order to change your life outside, you must change inside. The moment you are willing to change, it is amazing how the universe begins to help you. It brings you what you need.

And it’s amazing how true that quote is. Trust me, I’ve seen the rewards and abundance in my own life that the universe has provided me with once I’ve committed to change and healing within myself.

2020- a year of CHANGE. Yes, a shit show indeed. Yes, the collective is hurting. I’m hurting and heartbroken for what’s going on in the world right now. All the lives lost to COVID-19, the suffering it’s caused, and the outright suffering & injustice that continues to be brought to the surface with the POC community. As a white woman I don’t want to speak on this too much because it’s not my perspective that matters. But I will say that I stand united with the POC community & feel the pain in my heart. My commitment is to continue to amplify black voices that need to be heard and to DO THE WORK outside of sharing on social media. To be an ally means to continue to learn, listen and then, to do better. Bottom line, all this pain, all this confusion… it’s waking. people. up.

I saw an Instagram post that sums up my exact thoughts on 2020 and the shifts that are happening so beautifully. The author’s name is Lesile Dwight:

“What if 2020 isn’t cancelled?

What is 2020 is the year we’ve been waiting for?

A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw-

that it finally forces us to grow.

A year that screams so loud, finally awakening us from our ignorant slumber.

A year we finally accept the need for change.

Declare change. Work for change. Become the change.

A year we finally bond together, instead of pushing eachother further apart.

2020 isn’t cancelled, but rather, the most important year of them all.”

Choose change. Choose to wake up. Choose healing. Despite the pain, the confusion, the loss… choose it, now. I guarantee your soul will thank you, and so will the world. 2020 is a time of rebirth, you can either resist it or embrace it.

All my love,

– A x


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